Do you ever sit, and ponder, what oh what could the people around you be doing? Well this is the perfect apartment for you, especially if you have the joy of moving into anything on the 4th floor or below. Why you ask? Well let me tell you... imagine everyday you get to sit and contemplate the actions of your upstairs neighbors for not moments, but hours on end. Dumping and sorting of nuts and bolts all afternoon? Check. Cosplay Spider-Man antics? Check. At home version of whack-a-mole? Check.
...Re-enactments of Jurassic Park. Oh boy CHECK! Don’t worry, they’re here to entertain… no tv, sound machine, ear plugs, headphones or music will allow you to escape. Around 10pm until about 2am is when these glorious specimens really amplify the volume as they develop their skills as backup dancers for Russian Hopak right above your bedroom to ensure your quiet time doesn’t grow too intrusive. The best part.. you can feel these activities like a Disney ride.. the pounding straight to your chest, the vibrations through your furniture, the shaking of your artwork and get ready to watch your water tremble. I can only imagine patrons of Action Park has this much fun. I mean, sleep is for the weak after all.
What else does the Calvert offer? As you enter you’ll realize the official scent is ganja, handicap parking is meant for luxury vehicles owners who are now financially handicap not those with actual placards and handicaps, and if you have pets who have to relieve themselves outside, just let them poop on your balcony and then sweep it off onto the sidewalk and apartment below.
What’s better is they’re aware, the neighbors, the building, the management. It has been 4 months and you have yet to lease our old apartment, thank you for validating our claims... though you diligently feigned ignorance at our 25+ noise complaints/videos/recordings/and physical proof (though you couldn't admit to that on paper, because how would you swindle another property management company into buying this atrocity in the future) So please if some hapless tenant decides to take on this ride of doom, please do disclose the lack of quiet enjoyment they will have so long as your value systems stands in its current order.
If you think you can master this living space like a glorious blue barracuda battling the final rounds in Legends Of The Hidden Temple, brava, step right up.
Max of 2.