The Midtowner Apartments

THE GARBAGE TRUCKS CAN GET TO THE DUMPSTER. Sorry. Yes you read that right. We have been here three months and the dumpster has been emptied one time. Now, we throw our trash on the ground beside the dumpster. LIke animals who are self aware enough to dispose of trash. Looking for hardwood floors? Look elsewhere. Here the beautiful wood laminate floors are inadequately glued to whatever floor resides beneath. This slapdash glue job lends your apartment the warped and tranquil floors reminisent of a rolling ocean. The cracks and snaps of your floor as you walk on it remind you of the fleeting nature of life. And. Glue. Do you enjoy parking your car and walking into your current communial dwelling? Tough. Unless you are lucky (and boring) enough to be home for the evening by three o'clock you had better get ready to park creatively. Despite the malfunction of the garbage disposal, a supremely ineffiecent air conditioner (enjoy paying almost half your rent in utilities!), the noxious ever present smell of marijuana smoke, mail boxes that don't lock and brown recluse spiders there are some perks! You get free internet! Sure ya do. Do your eyes go wide when you SEND and RECIEVE email? Like chat rooms? Then you will love the free internet. Oh. Wait. Are you a functional thinking human? Do you enjoy streaming videos via various popular platforms? Well forget it. Get on the phone to comcast and good luck finding a cable outlet! They have all been covered with blank flat plastic slab. The only redeeming aspect of these walled and ceilinged hovels is a cheap deposit. That's it. We will be getting out of here as soon as possible and the one endearing memory will be our fantastic ability to accept mediocrity and nod our heads wisely and the bad decisions we have made. Listen: You can live in a refrigerator box behind the Walgreens FOR FREE! I've asked. Seriously. Oh. You live across the street from a WALGREENS. I'm looking at it out the window.